What have I became?, A lazy person whose day starts slowly and ends slowly with no special things to do. No matter what I do, no matter how many things I had learnt. I find myself always in the same place as before. Same old lazy person. Whose day is no special. Am I being over demanding with me or am I stopping my self form achieving my full potential. I am trying to solve how my life became like this. I never do things without planning, what I did wrong?
I was thinking about it for more than a month now .I was suffering inside. It was killing me. Just few moment before I suddenly realized everything is going under the plan!!!!. Things are just perfect as I wanted to be and problem was I forgot I wanted it. Its me who wanted this life.
This life is almost perfect if I was seeing this 4 years ago. I used wake up at 5 am then there was my masters classes and after that my job till 6 pm and I used to return home at 7. it was complete 14 hours of hectic. schedule. No time to study no time to entertain just tasteless busy life. And worst part was I hate teaching. Its not that I don’t like share what I learnt to others but In my country teaching is not sharing its making student score good marks. In my whole life I never ran for the marks. What I was suppose to teach was the thing I never tried. I can teach them how to learn new things, how to improve their brain, how to have fun with what you study but I can not teach them how to score good marks.
Parents want their children to score good marks. Teachers and school want students to score good marks so that they can advertise their school as best school of the city. And due to the effect of society students also ran for the marks. I hated that job. So literally , I was doing job I hate and I had no time to do things I love. I wanted life with freedom where I can share the knowledge I have without no restriction and also have time to do all the things I love. I was expecting life between doing something and doing nothing. But at that time my expectation were like impossible dreams which I will never experience ever in my life.
After a year I left my job at the end of session, not because of my dreams but my job was hampering my study schedule. For 2 years I just studied . After two years I had nothing to study and no job to do. So I just stopped worrying for some time.
Here I am now living perfect life I wanted and worrying by thinking I ruined my life. But actually life saved me and granted me things I wanted. I have mountain bike which I wanted since I was kid. I still do teaching but I don’t teach them to score good marks but I just share them what I know. I am learning bunny hopping on my MTB. I started learning parkour again though I am back to basics learning precision and basic vault and I can do just 3 pull ups now. Am I the silliest person in the world who become frustrated for having life I wanted for soo long or it means I have lived my dream so its time to come out of hibernation and do something useful because my major dream is to become one crazy scientist and explore the universe but It seems impossible till now . Life had granted me what I have now so its not impossible that few years from now I will be flying inside “International Space Station” eating weird tasteless space food and getting ready for trip to the farthest edge of the universe and still feeling frustrated and thinking what my life had become because we always seem to forget what we wanted after we have it.